You Can Sleep While I Drive
By Deanie
August 1999

SPOILER WARNING: Through (especially including) "Graduation Day 1"
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: What was Anya thinking when she asked Xander to leave town with her?

Disclaimer: Xander, Anya, and the rest of the Buffy crew don't belong to me (although if Joss is willing to sell…) They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox and the WB television network. I'm just borrowing them for a while…and they'll be returned when I'm done putting them through the emotional wringer. I'm not making any money off of this, so don't sue. No copyright infringement is intended.

I don't own "You Can Sleep While I Drive." I also don't own "You Can Sleep While I Drive." It was written by Melissa Etheridge and found on her album "Brave and Crazy." It was also sung by Trisha Yearwood on her CD 'Thinkin' About You.'"

AUTHOR'S NOTES: When Anya was urging Xander to leave town with her, I thought of this song.
Please note: This is my first fic about someone other than Buffy and Angel. It's also the first in my Xander and Anya "Leaving Sunnydale" trilogy.

****

Come on baby, let's get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas
With the top rolled down
There's a chill in my bones
I don't want to be left alone
So baby you can sleep while I drive

I'd packed up the meager contents of my tiny apartment. There wasn't much. I hadn't been human long, and Anyanka the demon wasn't big on material possessions - hard to take with you with all that traveling.
I knew I was running scared, but I it didn't matter. I had to get as far away from Sunnydale as I could before the mayor's ascension tomorrow. Before, I didn't really have a sense of self-preservation. Why would I need one as an immortal demon? But now, I was suddenly so aware of the frailties of my newly human body. After thousands of years of supernatural power I was now left powerless, vulnerable to the whims of fate. Was it any wonder I was scared?

I didn't bother locking up on the way out. There was nothing left to steal, assuming the building was still standing after tomorrow. Climbing into my convertible, I gave one last look back at my place, the shelter of my human life. I didn't think I'd ever feel sentimental about leaving Sunnydale, but tonight I was. Maybe because this was likely to be my last night in the world.

I turned on the radio as I pulled out of the parking lot. The faceless voice in the dark was my only companion as I left town alone. There was no one to come with me - except maybe for Xander. I had never known what human feelings were like until him. Okay, he was one of those unfaithful males I hated, one of those who deserved to be punished…but he wasn't really like that. He was cute and funny and loyal to his friends. Despite all his joking, he was more mature then most of the other high school guys. All they thought about were sex and sports - but he thought about other things, too, like saving the world from evil.

I should have asked him to come with me. Anyone who remained in Sunnydale was going to die, demon food at the mayor's ascension. Staying would be suicide. I wasn't about to linger behind. Besides, I didn't have my powers any more, so how could I have contributed to the fight? The sanest thing to do was what I was doing -- to run. They should all be running.

But if I did have these feelings for Xander, how could I leave him behind? I couldn't put a name on my emotions, or a label of any kind, but I know I'd be hurt if something happened to him. I didn't want Xander to die. I felt nauseated at the thought of seeing his lifeless body lying on the ground, or worse, thinking of him pulverized beyond recognition by the mayor.

I was just passing the "Leaving Sunnydale" sign on my way out of town. I thought that leaving would make me happy. After all, I was escaping certain doom, death at the hands of a vicious demon. But I couldn't be happy knowing I was leaving Xander to face his doom. I cared about him in a way I didn't think I was capable of. The idea of him dying filled me with…fear. I was afraid for him, almost more than I was for myself.

There weren't any cars on the road this time of night…just me, my car, and the radio playing this lonely song. I should have been speeding up to get out of town even faster. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave him behind. Pulling the car into an illegal U-turn, I headed back to Sunnydale, and Xander.

I had to convince him to come with me. I knew it was going to be hard, because he was so dedicated to his friends, to his save-the-world Scooby Gang. But together we could go anywhere, as long as it was away from here. He had to have ideas about where he wanted to go. He'd planned a road trip of his own, so we could follow his path. Or we could just drive. We could go down to Texas, walk on the Riverwalk in San Antonio. Better yet, get even farther away. Graceland in Memphis, or the French Quarter in New Orleans. All places I'd been before, but now I would be seeing them through human eyes. And I would be seeing them fresh, through his eyes too.

In New Orleans, over breakfast of coffee and beignets, we could share our dreams, share our hopes for the future and our regrets for the past.

His feelings ran deep. I saw the pain in his eyes as he thought about how he hurt Cordelia. His relationship with her was over, but I know he watched Willow and Oz, and all the other couples at school. He felt sad when he thought about being alone. And the prom…I know I wasn't his dream prom date, but he didn't want to go alone, so he went with me. And I didn't have to be alone, as I've been for all these hundreds of years. It didn't bother me as Anyanka, wish-granting demon. But as Anya, high school student, being alone bothers me a lot. Loneliness is such a horrible feeling -- I don't know how anyone stands it. But if he left Sunnydale with me, ran away with me…neither one of us would be alone again.

Was he still mooning over pampered princess Cordelia? I saw him watching her when he though she wasn't looking. And something in their sparring made me think that maybe he wasn't over her yet. What about Willow? He ignored her for so long, the finally saw her as the beautiful woman she was. Could he have regretted their decision to remain just friends? Was he jealous when he saw her with Oz? Then there's Faith, his first lover. Did he regret that their connection was so short? If she were to change her ways, come back over to their side, would he have wanted her again? Did he want her still, knowing that she was plotting the destruction of everything he held dear? And then there was Buffy, the one who got away. She never had any real romantic feelings about him, but he had been in love with her. Was he still? Was he looking for an opportunity to move in on her after Angel left? Did he hope she finally saw him as more than a friend?

What about me? How did he feel about me? We went to Prom together because he didn't have another date, and he didn't exactly have the greatest time. I know I was babbling about my former life, and it couldn't have made him feel good to hear about me punishing all of those unfaithful males. But I didn't know what to talk about on a date. I was just babbling to fill the silence.

Could he have feelings for me? He was willing to do something with me this weekend, if there wasn't an Ascension beforehand…could he really come to like me, to feel the same way I feel about him? If he was lonely, why couldn't he find comfort with me?


I was getting closer to the library now, pulling into the parking lot. Could I do this? Could I go inside and ask him to run away with me? How could I not, when staying would likely mean his death?

I had a full tank of gas, all my possessions in my car, and enough money to keep us for a while. I could offer him companionship, friendship, maybe more. I didn't know what I'd do if he turned me down. I didn't want to be without him. But if he did reject me, I would leave anyway. It was the only sensible thing to do. If he wouldn't come with me, I'd run away by myself. I couldn't stay here and die…I couldn't watch him die…and I couldn't be around him knowing I had feelings he didn't reciprocate.

So I walked up the steps, full of these feelings I didn't understand, to face the most important moment of my life.

Come on baby, let's get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas
With the top rolled down
If you won't take me with you
I'll go before night is through
And baby you can sleep while I drive