It's Your Love
by Deanie
June 1999

SPOILER WARNING: The entire Buffy and Angel relationship. References to "Welcome to the Hellmouth," "Amends," "Becoming," and "Angel."
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Angel and Buffy are dancing in the dark, and he's struggling to find the words to tell her how he feels.

Disclaimer: Buffy and Angel don't belong to me (although if Joss is willing to sell…) They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox and the WB television network. I'm just borrowing them for a while…and they'll be returned when I'm done putting them through the emotional wringer. I'm not making any money off of this, so don't sue. No copyright infringement is intended

"It's Your Love" doesn't belong to me, either. It's written by Stephony Smith and copyright EMI Blackwood music. It's sung by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill on the CD "Everywhere" and by She Moves on the CD "Breaking All The Rules."

Please note…this fic takes place sometime when Buffy and Angel were together and happy…that would probably have to be in an alternate universe. I don't know when it would take place in the Buffy canon.

****

We're alone in my living room with the radio playing a song, one of my favorites. It's one I can relate to, because it expresses just how I feel about Buffy, what I would say if I could find the words.

She feels so good, as I hold her close in my arms and we dance to the music, pressed together tightly, moving as one. Her arms are so small, so delicate, but they're holding me so tightly. I'm so amazed that she could love me. But she does. She loves me as much as I love her. It's a miracle.

"Buffy?" I whisper in her ear.
"Hmm?"
"Are you listening to the song?"
"Not really. It's hard to pay attention to anything else when you're holding me."
Her words filled me with joy as she snuggled closer. "You should," I whisper.

Dancing in the dark, middle of the night
Taking your heart and holding it tight
Emotional touch, ooh, touching my skin
Asking you to do what you've been doing all over again

My life is never more perfect than when I'm holding her. She's so soft and warm, cuddled in my arms. I never thought we could get to this point again, but we did. We're together at last.

The radio's playing the perfect song, saying words that I can't. I was never any good at sharing my feelings. Maybe that's because men weren't supposed to do that when I was growing up, or maybe I've been holding things inside me so long I don't remember how to get them out. I wish I could find the words to tell Buffy how I love her. But I can't. So I'll show her, here in my arms, while we're dancing in the candlelight.

It's a beautiful thing, don't think I can keep it all in
Just gotta let you know what it is that won't let me go

In the beginning, I tried so hard to stay away from her. I lurked in the shadows, just watching her. She was so beautiful, so strong, and I couldn't turn away from her. I had to watch, to make sure she was safe. But I never thought I'd get the chance meet her.

I couldn't stop myself from helping her. Up close, that night in the alley when I gave her the cross, she was even more beautiful than she had seemed from afar. But she was so tiny, so delicate. I was amazed that such a petite girl could be chosen to slay the world's demons. After that, I tried to stay away from her…tried to restrict myself to the shadows where I belonged. But I couldn't…I couldn't let her go.

I tried to stay away, just dropping in from time to time to give her information she could use in her daily battle against the forces of darkness. But that night, when she faced The Three, I had to intervene. I just couldn't let her die. Later, in her room, I shouldn't have stayed all night, but it felt so good…to stay there, by her bed, watching over her all night, listening to her heartbeat. I should have left the next night, before she got home, but I couldn't…and I definitely should have left before I kissed her, but I couldn't. At that moment, I needed her more than anything I've ever needed. Pulling away from her would have taken more strength than I ever possessed…because I loved her…I realized then that my attempts to keep my distance were futile, because I loved her.

It's your love, just does something to me
Sends a shock right through me
Can't get enough
So if you wonder, about the spell I'm under
It's your love

Her love is a spell…more than the curse ever could do. The spell of her love makes me want to be someone, someone worthy of her love. She makes me strive for something better, something I never knew was deep inside myself.

And I can't get enough of her. Being with her twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week wouldn't be enough. Every time I see her, a little thrill goes through my body, like an electric shock. It's this feeling…I can't describe it…like a thrill of pure joy going straight to my heart.

Better than I was, more than I am
And all of that happened by taking your hand
And who I am now, is who I've wanted to be
Now that we're together, stronger than ever, happy and free

I'm more than I ever thought I could be when I'm by her side. Before her, I was nothing, a useless creature living on rats in a dank alley. After seeing her, I became someone. She gave me the courage to become someone important…someone I never dreamed I could become. She still inspires me to reach for greatness.

As a human, my dreams revolved around who would buy the next round at the pub and which comely wench I could entice into my bed. Not really a great person…in fact, not even a decent human being. Then, I became a demon… And then I got my soul back.

It's been a very long road, but thanks to her, I've finally reached a place where I'm beginning to like who I am. I'm stronger than I've ever been, both physically and emotionally. I'm living a life of good, fighting evil instead of creating it. Because of her, because of her love I'm becoming the person I'm destined to be.

Oh, it's a beautiful thing, don't think I can keep it all in
And you ask me why I've changed, all I have to do is say your sweet name

From the first moment I saw her, I knew she would change me. That's why Whistler brought me to her, to show me the girl that would be my greatest joy. I didn't know much that day, but I knew I couldn't let her fight alone. I couldn't take the chance that anything would hurt her if I had the power to stop it. That's why I changed, at first, to be able to protect her and watch over her. Later, I was changing because I wanted to become the person I was in her eyes.


It's your love, just does something to me
Sends a shock right through me
Can't get enough
So if you wonder, about the spell I'm under
It's your love

Her love is all that I've ever dreamed of. She's my soulmate…Most vampires don't even have a soul, but I'm privileged enough to have not only a soul, but a soulmate. She's the other half of my heart. She completes me. When I look in her eyes, I'm home.

It's a beautiful thing, don't think I can keep it all in
I've just gotta let you know what it is that won't let me go

I wish I could find the words to say all of this to Buffy. To let her know what she means to me, how she's changed my life. I wish I knew how to tell her that despite the horror and pain being a vampire has brought to my life, it's worth it, because I have her. She's my destiny.

It's your love, just does something to me
Sends a shock right through me
Can't get enough
So if you wonder, about the spell I'm under
It's your love
It's your love
It's your love
It's your love