All The Things We've Never Done
By Deanie
June 1999

SPOILER WARNING: Up through graduation and mild spoilers for the "Angel" series. Nothing specific, except for "Lover's Walk."
RATING: PG
CONTENT: Romantic mush (Xander/Cordelia)
SUMMARY: Cordelia and Xander toast their twenty-fifth anniversary.
FEEDBACK: Pretty please? To DeanieBTVS@aol.com

Disclaimer: Buffy and Angel don't belong to me (although if Joss is willing to sell…) They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox and the WB television network. I'm just borrowing them for a while…and they'll be returned when I'm done putting them through the emotional wringer. I'm not making any money off of this, so don't sue. No copyright infringement is intended.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I hadn't intended to make this song into a fanfic, but it inspired me.

"All the Things We've Never Done" was written by Craig Bickhardt and Jeff Pennig and is sung by Martina McBride on the CD "Wild Angels."


***

Cordelia adjusted the straps on her golden dress. It was a little extravagant, but a woman only had a twenty-fifth anniversary once. Actually, she and Xander were going to have one twice. Their party was on Saturday, but tonight, Thursday, was their real anniversary. And they were having a romantic dinner here at home. The kids were gone for the night. It was the two of them, a couple of steaks, and candlelight.

Xander walked in the room, looking very distinguished in his tuxedo, his hands behind his back. The gray in his hair only made him more handsome in her eyes. Each hair, each line on his face was a memory the two of them shared.

"Champagne?" He asked, pulling a bottle from behind his back.

Cordelia smiled, thinking of how they had to save up for a bottle of champagne to celebrate their first anniversary. Ever since then, it had been a tradition - champagne and candlelight.

"Nothing but the best for my wonderful wife." He had two glasses behind his back, as well. Setting the glasses down on the linen-covered table, he poured.

They drank their anniversary glass
A silent moment passed
Then they kissed
She knows there's something on his mind
He'll tell her in due time
What it is

She could tell that, despite the celebration, there was something serious on his mind. But she had learned to be patient. Eventually he would share what was in his thoughts.

They drank their champagne quietly, lost in thought. Then Xander turned to look at her, and spoke.

He says "I've never built
Your mansion on a hill
Or warmed you in the Spanish sun
I simply blink my eye
And think as years fly by
Of all the things we've never done."

Cordelia smiled, sighing softly. Didn't Xander know that none of that mattered to her any more? Once, she had been a shallow, snobbish girl who had thought material possessions were everything. But the woman that naïve girl had become knew life was so much more than what you owned, what you drove, or where you went on vacation. Didn't he remember what the hunger for more, the greedy lust for things had been her parents' downfall?

The best things in life really were free. You couldn't buy love. Her parents had used things in place of love and time for her whole life. But Xander had loved her for who she was - even in high school. She had been flighty and frivolous and let others' opinions matter way too much. He saw beyond the surface to the person lurking below - to the mature woman she had become.

He'd grown so much, too, into the wonderful man he was today. When they had been younger, she had wondered if she really had his love. He had loved Buffy for so long, she thought he never would get over her. And Willow, who had been his best friend, and then became much more. But when he had come to her after he had graduated from college, when she was still struggling in L.A., he had been a different person. He had matured, and knew what he wanted, and who he loved. And through all the years apart, he had still loved her, and came after her. No matter how much she resisted him, he persisted, forcing her to realize that she had never stopped loving him.

She smiles, and takes his had in hers
And says "it just occurred
To me now
The thought that brings you such regret
What hasn't happened yet
It makes me proud…"

"Those things you're regretting don't matter to me, Xander. I can't imagine a more wonderful life than the one we have now. You and our children are all I need. Maybe the girl I used to be needed a fancy mansion or trips to Europe, but the woman you married doesn't. I don't regret a moment of our life together. Since we got back together after college, there hasn't been one moment when I doubted our love."

"You never walked away
When I needed you to stay
Or made me feel I'm not the one
There've been no broken vows
And the reason we're here now
Is all the things we've never done"

"You've stood by me for twenty-five wonderful years. You stood by me when I gave up my dream of becoming an actress. You didn't laugh at me when I wanted to go to college - when I wanted to go to business school and get my MBA. You just believed in me, wholeheartedly. You were there by my side when I miscarried our first child and you cried with me afterward when I desperately needed your support. You stayed in the delivery room through all three births, even though it made you queasy. You never ridiculed my dreams, even when they were totally impractical. You didn't try to stop me from leaving the firm and opening up my own ad agency; you just smiled and took out a second mortgage to finance my dream.

"We have been through so much, and we've been through it all together. And no matter what, you never made me feel like I wasn't the one you wanted to spend forever with. You've kept every vow you made at our wedding…we've been richer, and poorer…we've lived through sickness and health…you've loved and cherished me all the days of our lives.

"We're here now because you never gave up on us. We've kept each other going, been each other's support for so long. What does a fancy house or an exotic vacation matter when we have each other?

We've never grown apart
You never broke my heart
With secrets that you've kept me from
We've never been untrue
And I'm still here with you
Through all the things we've never done

"Through twenty-five years of marriage our love has remained strong. We've grown together, not apart. You've never been unfaithful. When you look at me, it's like I'm the only woman in the world. You've been here, loving me, twenty-four hours a day for a quarter of a century.

"You've been open and honest with me for so long. That's why I'm still here, by your side, loving you. When we first got back together, I worried about you breaking my heart, because no one had ever mattered so much to me and you had the power to hurt me so badly. But you didn't. You kept my heart safe in your hands for twenty-five years.

"I love you unconditionally. It doesn't matter if we have a four-bedroom ranch or a ten-thousand-square-foot mansion. That's not why we're together. We're together because we've never lied, or kept secrets from each other. We've never avoided talking about what's important to us. We've never stopped communicating, even when it seems pointless. We've never lost the passion we've always shared.

"That, my love, is why I'm so proud of all the things we've never done."

Setting down her champagne glass, Cordelia took Xander's glass from his hand and set it beside hers. She pulled him close to her and kissed him with all the love she felt in her heart.